Regrets
by gilliansschoompie
Summary: Set right after the scandal season 4 finale. Mellitz one shot.


**AN: I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything so I really hope you guys enjoy this. Feedback is always appreciated. Also if you don't ship Mellitz or just don't like Mellie please don't bother reading and leaving a thesis in the review section.**

" _ **Get out of my house before I throw you out"**_

The words had been on a loop in her mind for the last week. The past week had been a daze to her. It seemed like she'd been watching herself go about her days outside of her body. She hadn't been up to her office in a week. The list of things she had to do became longer and longer but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything right now.

She had just wanted to protect him, that's all she'd ever wanted to do. When his father had violated her, she wanted to protect him from knowing what a monster he was. When he'd been shot and Sally Langston had been knocking on the door of the White House, she'd forged his signature to protect him. When Olivia's name had leaked and she sat in the bunker with them listening to Fitz tell her she was in love with another woman she still wanted to protect him.

As she replayed the events of the last twenty plus years in her head she wished she could open up one of her bottles of hooch, she didn't want to feel anything she just wanted to be numb, but she had Teddy and he needed his mother. Karen had offered to come home to help her out but she had declined, telling Karen she would be just fine. She didn't want her daughter seeing her like this. She could hide her emotions from her baby, but not from her daughter who was too smart for her own good.

She sighed heavily and ran her hands through her sons curls as he slept comfortably on top of her. She resented how much he looked like his father. From his piercing blue eyes to his mannerisms he was a mini Fitz through and through. She ran her hand through her untamed curls and stared out of her bedroom window wondering if she should at least try to get some work done today. She was a senator now, and she couldn't afford to sit on her ass all day crying over a man who didn't love her, who wouldn't reciprocate the love she had so selflessly given.

She couldn't even be angry anymore. Who could she be angry at? She only had herself to blame. He'd shown her time and time again who he truly was, but something about this time seemed different. They were partners, they were a team, they got along, even had sex on occasion. She didn't understand how it had all crashed down around her in a matter of minutes.

He had to know that she hadn't meant for anyone to get hurt. That she didn't mean for all those people to die, but what was she supposed to do when all of their deepest darkest secrets had been handed to her in a folder? She had to protect them and everything they'd worked so hard to build.

She was tired of being with a man who didn't love her, who didn't respect her, who didn't appreciate her. She cursed herself for being fooled by the pretty words and the intimate touches. When she closed her eyes she could still feel his strong grip on her hips, his large hands cupping her breasts, his hot breath on the back of her neck. Her mother had always warned her about losing herself in valuing someone too much. She swore to her that that would never happen with her and Fitz. Never say never.

She'd wanted so badly to send Teddy back to the White House so she could drink herself into a stupor but she didn't want to give Fitz that satisfaction, especially with Olivia Pope running around the White House. She laid in bed wondering if he'd fucked her in "their" bed and violently threw up over all over herself. She was shaking so hard she had to call one of her agents to remove Teddy from her bed and put him in the other bedroom while she cleaned herself up.

She threw up three more times before she was able to stop shaking. She took a quick shower and stripped the sheets from the bed before joining Teddy in the other room. When she got in the bed Teddy rolled over and looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "Mama okay?" he asked softly. "Mama is fine, go back to sleep baby." She whispered as she pulled him close and rubbed small circles on his back. Moments later she heard him snoring lightly.

The next morning Mellie was awakened by the bedroom door being opened loudly. She pulled Teddy closer instinctively and opened her eyes only to come face to face with Fitz. He was peering down at her strangely and she couldn't help but feel self conscious under his piercing gaze.

"I heard you were sick. I thought I'd come and get Teddy and give you some time to rest." He said quietly. Sympathy dripped from his eyes as he took in her appearance. Her curly hair laid limply but wildly all over her head, her ivory skin had become ghostly pale and her piercing blue eyes were now dull and lifeless. He hadn't expected her to be taking this as hard as she was.

"I'm fine." She said quietly refusing to meet his gaze. Fitz sighed loudly. "You're not fine Mellie, look at you, you look like hell and your work is piling up, this isn't a good way to start off being senator." She still didn't look at him. She couldn't look at him. She knew once the flood gates had opened there would be no going back so she kept her eyes averted. "I'll be back to work next week, I just wanted to spend some time with Teddy." She replied lamely playing with a curl on her son's head.

Fitz stood there willing her to look at him. It hurt him more than he'd like to admit that she wouldn't even look at him. He'd come to the conclusion days ago that he'd been too harsh with her but now that he'd moved Liv into the white house how could he come to her now and tell her that he'd misjudged the situation? How could he ask her to come back after he'd already had sex with Olivia in every possible part of the Residence including their bed? How could he ask her to come back after he'd thrown her out on what was supposed to be one of the most exciting nights of her life? At what point would he stop hurting her? Maybe it was best to let her go. He wanted her. He wanted Liv. But he knew he couldn't have both. He had Olivia now, he should be happy that they finally had their chance to be together, but he couldn't help but think he'd made a mistake. He regretted putting her out, he regretted not letting her explain herself, he regretted a lot of things concerning her. But even if he admitted these things to her there was no way she'd come back to him, the way she was acting towards him proved this. She was truly done with him and the thought of that brought an ache to his chest.

"Just go, Fitz. I don't know why you came." she whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks. He sat down beside her and took her hands in his and she snatched away from him. "No…no." she said as she started to sob. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he put his forehead against hers, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry baby" he repeated softly as he pecked her lips over and over again.

Mellie tried to pull away but he cupped her face and kissed her full on the mouth as sobs wracked her body. She pulled herself away from him shoving at his chest, as she sobbed. "You don't get to come here and do this after you move your mistress into the white house and fuck her in our bed. You can't have us both. You made your choice."

He crawled up on the bed and hovered over her. She shut her eyes tightly and wished he would stop doing this to her. He softly kissed her neck then down to her collar bone before moving back up to her lips. "Please forgive me." He repeated as a showered her with kisses and intimate caresses. She was turning into mush. 'Oh God, if you're listening make him stop. I'm not strong enough to tell him no' she said in her mind as she dropped her head back to give him more access to her neck.

As Fitz cupped her breast she heard a small voice call out to her. She turned her head to see Teddy staring at his parents intently. Fitz pulled back quickly hoping that Teddy hadn't been awake the whole time he'd been feeling Mellie up.

Mellie breathed out shakily and wiped her eyes before pulling her son into her arms and kissing his head softly. Teddy curled up into his mother and played with her ears. She looked up at Fitz who was staring at her. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't quite read. It seemed like a mix of lust and sadness and it shook her straight to her core.

He watched as Mellie got up with Teddy and left the bedroom, leaving him sitting on the bed by himself. He angrily punched the pillow and ran his hands down his face. He would let her go. No matter how much it was killing him. He walked into the kitchen and placed a gentle kiss on the side of her head and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'll always love you." he whispered and she didn't reply. He ruffled Teddy's hair before walking out the door and walking back through that long lonely tunnel to the White House. He knew he would regret this as long as he lived.


End file.
